Setting Realistic Goals in the New Year: A Reflective Approach for Mothers & Sisters Who Do It All
A New Year, A New Opportunity for Clarity and Purpose
Each upcoming new year, it often feels like the perfect opportunity to reset, to look back on the past year, and to think forward about the path ahead. As women who juggle family life, personal goals, and the ever-present pull of purpose, the start of the year can feel both empowering and overwhelming. You want to achieve big things, but you also know that the key to success lies in setting realistic and meaningful goals that work within the rhythm of your everyday life.
I’ve spent years taking purposeful time to reflect upon the year past and the one ahead and I would like to share my process with you for goal setting and vision creation. This isn’t about overloading your to-do list or pursuing perfection—it’s about tapping into your deeper values, aligning with your purpose, and crafting a year that feels fulfilling and aligned with who you truly are.
Over the years, I've used two methods that have brought me clarity and focus: one inspired by Tony Robbins’ Wheel of Life, and another from Jordan B. Peterson’s Self Authorship Program. I want to walk you through these, step by step, so that you can create a vision for the new year that truly supports your life.
Step 1: Reflect on the Past Year
The first step in this process is reflection—taking the time to really think about the categories in your life that are the most important to you. Tony Robbins' Wheel of Life divides life into standard categories such as family, career, health, romance, environment, spirituality and finances. While these are helpful, the key is to make them personal to you, as I learned from my first coach when I used to live in France.
Here’s how you can adapt this exercise:
Write Down Your Categories: Start by listing the categories that mattered most to you in the past year. These could be: family, friendships, health, spiritual growth, career, personal development, finances, fun, or something else entirely. Don’t limit yourself—write down whatever feels significant.
Prioritize Them: Once you have your list, consider ranking them. Which categories are you focusing on most? Which ones can take a back seat for now?
Step 2: Create Your Wheel
Now that you've identified the categories that matter most to you, it's time to create your wheel. This step visually represents the balance—or imbalance—in your life.
Draw Your Wheel: Once you’ve written down your categories, draw a circle with "pie slices" for each category you’ve listed. Imagine each slice representing one of the areas in your life that you’re focusing on.
Score Each Category: For each category, score yourself on a scale from 1 to 10, based on how well you feel you managed that area in the past year. A score of 1 means that area felt completely out of balance or neglected, while a score of 10 means it felt fully aligned and flourishing.
Draw a Line for Your Score: For each category, draw a line at the point that corresponds with your score. For example, if you scored yourself a 4 in health, draw a line a bit closer to the center of the wheel. A score of 10 would place the line at the very top of the pie slice.
Color in the Pie Slices: Starting from the center of the circle, color in each slice from the center to the line you drew. This creates a visual representation of your life balance—or imbalance.
Observe Your Wheel: Take a moment to step back and observe how your wheel looks. A perfectly round wheel indicates balance, while an uneven wheel can highlight areas in need of more focus. This visual will give you clarity on where you need to shift your energy as you move into the new year.
Step 3: Deepen the Reflection: Flow Writing for Clarity and Self-Coaching
This step is about deepening your understanding of your score for each category, allowing you to uncover the true reasons behind your rating.
Reflect on Why You Gave Each Category That Score: For each category, take a moment to reflect on why you gave it the score you did. How did that area of your life feel over the past year? What contributed to it feeling like a 4 or a 10? Dive into the details and nuances of each score.
Write Non-Stop for 5-10 Minutes: To help you explore this deeply, set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write without stopping. Don’t worry about structure—just let your thoughts flow naturally onto the page. If you don’t know what to write, simply start with “I don’t know what to write” and continue. This process helps you uncover deeper insights into why certain categories are thriving or struggling,
Step 4: Create Your Wheel for the New Year
Now that you’ve reflected on your current state, it’s time to create your vision for the new year by defining the categories you want to focus on and setting goals for each one.
Write Down the Categories for the New Year: Review your past year’s categories, and decide which ones you want to focus on in the coming year. Some may stay the same, while others may change based on your reflections.
Set Your Ideal Score for Each Category: For each category, decide on the score you want to achieve by the end of the year. This will be your target. For example, if your career felt out of balance last year and you want to feel more fulfilled in your work, aim for a higher score. It doesn’t need to be a 9 or a 10 - it can be of course - but what is most important is that you set a score that feels achievable for you.
Draw a New Wheel: Create a new "wheel" for the new year, with your updated categories and the ideal scores you want to achieve. Like before, draw a circle with pie slices, one for each category, and mark where you want to be at the end of the year.
Repeat the Flow Writing Exercise: Once you’ve identified your ideal scores, repeat the flow writing exercise for each category. For each one, ask yourself: What needs to happen for me to feel that I’ve achieved this score by the end of the year? What practical steps do I need to take? How do I want to feel in this area? What do I need to do, and what do I need to let go off?
Step 5: Create Your One-Pager for the Year
Here’s where you can easily take what you learned with you in the next 12 months. It will help to truly solidify your vision for the year. Inspired by Jordan B. Peterson’s Self Authorship Program, this step involves distilling everything you’ve written into a concise one-page document. This can be your guiding light throughout the year.
Create Your Title: Think of one word or phrase that will symbolize who you want to be this year or what this year will stand for. Maybe it’s “Year of Balance,” “Year of Growth,” or “Year of Connection.”
Write Down Your Top 7-10 Priorities: From your categories, identify the most critical areas you want to focus on. Write them down in one sentence each.
Why It’s Important: Write 1-3 sentences about why achieving this vision is essential to you. Why is this new year significant for your journey?
What to Avoid: Now, add one sentence at the bottom of your one-pager about what you ultimately want to avoid in the new year and why. It’s just as important to know what you don’t want, as this can provide guidance on the behaviors you need to avoid to stay on track with your goals. This serves as a helpful reminder when life’s daily rhythm starts to pull you away from the clarity you’re cultivating right now.
A Reflection on the Goal-Setting Paradigm
As I have been doing these exercises yearly, I noticed that the typical goal setting exercises needed to evolve for me, especially as I’ve experienced different phases of life. Traditionally, personal growth methods emphasize SMART goals—Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. While I absolutely see the value in these structured, goal-oriented frameworks, I’ve learned that they don’t always align with me, particularly during times in life when my feminine energy takes the lead.
For me, this process represents an evolution of the purely masculine approach to goal setting—where everything is precise, measurable, and quantifiable—into a more holistic approach that integrates the feminine energetic essence of flow and intuition. Instead of only focusing on what needs to be achieved, I’ve found that it’s just as important to tune into how I want to feel. This allows me to stay connected to my inner wisdom and create goals that resonate with my deepest desires, not just my to-do list.
For example, when I was pregnant with my second child, there was one thing that I absolutely wanted: a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). This was a very specific and measurable outcome—100% what I wanted. I committed myself entirely to this goal: visualizing the birth every day, creating a supportive environment, educating myself, having conversations with my partner, and finding a network that understood my intentions. This was a clear, structured, measurable goal, and I dedicated all my efforts to it, which led for me to a successful and empowering experience.
But for many other areas of my life, I didn’t have such specific, measurable goals. Instead, I focused on how I wanted to feel. For example, I wanted to feel deeply happy, energetic, and abundant. Rather than forcing myself to hit specific targets or deadlines in these areas, I set an intention to connect with those feelings every day. This year, I made the conscious decision to integrate a morning habit to ground myself in those feelings—whether it’s happiness, vitality, or abundance—each morning.
This shift in my approach has been empowering. It took me many years to stop feeling guilty for not having "SMART goals" for every aspect of my life. Now, I embrace the process of setting intentions that value feeling and doing equally. I’ve realized that this approach honors both my feminine energy and the practical goals I wish to achieve.
As you work through your own vision for the new year, I encourage you to consider blending both approaches. Yes, having specific goals can be powerful, but so can allowing yourself to feel your way through life and setting intentions based on your heart’s desires. The balance between structure and flow—between the masculine and feminine energies—is where true fulfillment lies.
Embrace Your Vision with Purpose and Grace
As women who balance family, career, and personal growth, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the many demands on our time and energy. But setting clear, meaningful goals—whether they are specific and measurable or based on how we want to feel—allows us to create a life that truly aligns with our values and deepest desires.
The journey I’ve shared with you is not about perfection or ticking off boxes. It's an evolution from the purely “masculine” approach of only using SMART goals to a more integrated approach that honors both feeling and doing. By combining structure with intuition, I’ve found a balance that supports both my practical goals and the feminine energy that flows through me. And I believe this can work for you too.
Create a vision that honors both your dreams and well-being. Trust the process of integrating your goals with how you want to feel, allowing the flow to guide you toward meaningful change. Here's to a year of intentional growth, connection, and balance—where you honor both your goals and the feelings you wish to experience.
I’d love to hear about your process! What categories will you focus on in the new year? Share your thoughts and reflections with me in the comments below, or reach out directly to connect.
Have you already registered for the upcoming Vision Board Event on December 19th at 8 PM (Amsterdam time)? Let’s make your vision visual! And if you haven’t done the exercises prior to the event, no worries, I will use prompt questions and a great build-up so you can take the most out of the vision boarding evening. You can register for the event here.
If you would like to work 1-1 with me on creating your vision for the next year, let me know as well and we will schedule a coaching session.
Sending you love and light,
Inge
PS: Here are some additional resources to support you in your vision-creating exercise:
Self Authorship Program Questions: Link to Medium page with Jordan B. Peterson’s Self Authorship Program
Reflective Questions by Lien de Pau: Reflective Questions for Setting 2025 Goals
